Duke Nukem Forever: A die-hard fans review

[Jay]

Randy Pitchford, the President of Gearbox Software, has said numerous times that he owes his career to Duke Nukem, since Duke Nukem 3D was the first game he worked on as a professional video game developer. In much the same way, I owe my life as a gamer to Duke Nukem, since Duke Nukem 3D was the game that turned me from a SNES playing casual gamer to a diehard FPS fan. Duke Nukem 3D was a landmark of the genre, establishing many of the conventions that have stayed with the FPS genre since. Duke Nukem Forever falls short of its predecessor in nearly every way imaginable.

The biggest problem with Duke Nukem Forever is that it has an identity crisis of sorts. It takes a leg from Halo, with its restrictive weapon system and regenerating health, a leg from Half-Life with its exploration and interactivity, and a leg from Call of Duty with its linearity and scripted events. It tries to hobble on these 3 legs and falls flat as soon as the game starts.

One of the greatest features of Duke Nukem 3D was its weapon selection. In Duke Nukem 3D, you felt like an ultimate alien ass kicker even when you were stuck with Duke’s pistol. In Duke Nukem Forever, half of the weapons are powerhouses while the other half are absolutely useless. Weapons like the Shotgun and the Devastator pack a serious punch and can leave many a dead Pig Cop strewn about. On the flip side, weapons like the 1911 Pistol and the Ripper Machine Gun are so useless Duke would be better suited insulting the aliens he’s fighting in an attempt to get them to run away.

Equally disappointing is the level design. Duke Nukem 3D had incredible levels that still stand out even when compared to some of its contemporary rivals. Duke Nukem Forever has some of the most uninspired and boring level design I’ve ever seen…not to mention they are EXTREMELY linear whilst its predecessor had many ways to reach the end of the level or accomplish an objective.

The game is also full of little technical issues and design decisions that kill whatever fun is left to be had. Loading a level right after dying? Prepare to wait 30 seconds to a full freaking minute. Expect constant frame rate drops, and terrible enemy AI (To the point they often…kill themselves.) The bosses, save for the FINAL PORTION of the FINAL FIGHT are ridiculously uninspiring and even downright boring. Also…That Ending? REALLY 3DREALMS? (Not to mention the humor in this game is downright stupid and not very funny at all.)


The one (semi) saving grace for this game is the multiplayer portion. While it certainly won’t dethrone Halo or Call of Duty there is some fun to be had…When it works. Lag, empty rooms, and the complete lack of a matchmaking service make it frustrating to even try to attempt to enjoy it. A patch may fix some of these problems, but by the time it’s delivered it could be too little, too late.

3DRealms, the original owners and guardians of the franchise, shoulder the bulk of the blame for this game…but Gearbox, the new owners of the intellectual property, are also at fault. While it’s fairly set in stone this game will sell well on hype alone and the fact that the unshippable game has shipped, this game does not DESERVE it. Gearbox Software SHOULD have scrapped this project and started a fresh Duke Nukem game from the moment they got the IP.

I love Duke Nukem. I love the character. In an age where gaming is being seen as a more legitimate entertainment medium with each passing year, it’s beginning to take itself very seriously. We need a tounge-in-cheek character like Duke Nukem now more than ever. I’m cautiously optimistic that the first Gearbox-developed Duke Nukem game might be able to recapture what made the series so great and once again save Duke Nukem from certain distaster, but if games like Duke Nukem Forever are all the franchise has to offer for us—Perhaps it should have stayed dead.

4/10

[Logan]

It's a sad state of affairs when the most die hard fan of such a slam-dunk sequel can't even give it a decent score.

Here's to the sequel.

[Jay]

Playing through it again on Hard mode. Then I'll try Insane

Thought Process:
"Oh no, what am I doing"?

Shitty game or not, my Duke fanboyism requires me to get the cheevs.

[Travis]

I've been playing it first time on hard mode!

[SuperAfroBoy]

loljaysucksatgames.jpg

[Jay]

loljaysucksatgames.jpg

:truedog:

Although the game glitched for me when I fought the Octaking. Instead of like 5 or 6 Octabrains attacking you it ended up being around 14 or 15. I was like DAYUM

[scrappy]

i want to play it but im hearing nothing but bad things

[Jay]

Wait for it to hit $20 or rent it.

There's some fun to be had, its just buried under terrible level design and bizarre gameplay.

[Logan]

Jay is awful at games.

[Jay]

[Jay]

[Logan]

FIXED

[Jay]

[Jay]

[Dave]