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You haven't had my steak, pookie. Further ... how many times have YOU grilled a perfect medium rare sirloin? Hmm...?

GAAAHHHHHHH.

It would be a very obnoxious cookbook. I'm really not much of a cook beyond breakfast foods and anything I can make in a frying pan or cast-iron skillet (which includes STEAK!). But I'm fairly useless beyond that.

Seriously, though. I was spending $5.50 a ticket when I was a teenager, and ... I could have given birth to some of you.

If you're making it from drippings when you've just cooked bacon (the ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT IS WITH BACON, SCREW SAUSAGE) drain off the grease, leave the rest of the crusty stuff in the pan, then return two tablespoons of the grease back in. Add three tablespoons of Wondra flour and cook that at...

Where are you going to the movies for only $5.50 a ticket? 1988?

I think that's his surface plan. But we all know he's nucking futs. He's got an angle beneath it. He's filled to the brim with assaults to his ego juxtaposed with confidence that reaches pimp level swagger - and just enough smarts to squeak by without getting all dead.

How does sausage gravy become bacon paste? I can't ruin gravy. I've never once ruined gravy.

I know, it totally occurred to me afterward that "biscuits and gravy" sounds like some sort of dirty euphemism! Oh well. It is.

Come get 'em.

Me too. Fried potatoes, eggs, french toast, biscuits and gravy. More fried potatoes. Bacon.

Just me and Casey. Although, I am having torrid affairs with most of the men here, but that's only because they like brunettes and breakfast foods.

I have NEVER heard the losing it in the service story. To my recollection. I've done a lot of drugs. But yeah, the story I've heard from Daddy and the rest of the family is the model rocket engine thing.

Sounds about right.

He picked his nose and booger ate it. Then, he stuck it in a fan and it was chopped off. Finally, a model rocket engine blew up in his hand. His finger was found in a neighbor's yard.

Our two versions do not actually conflict. The only reason mom finally relented was the fear that I would not be there when she was sick from all that cigarette smoking and box wine drinking.

Guys used to randomly harmonize for me when I had blonde hair.

Mom actually had Casey because she thought I wouldn't take care of her when she was dying. Someone should tell mom it's not looking good, still.

Nah, you were the one who was planned!

Is "going to the boats" some sort of euphemism?