FOOTBALL
- Thread starter Bronson
- Start date
Bronson
I'll need a badge.
- Nov 10, 2003
- 3,019
- Thread starter
- #43
uhh mcnair is better than mcnabb for the sheer fact that when he gets hurt, he still plays.
he's not some pussy with wings on his helmet. he just monkeys around.
i mean, he was so hurt in so many places in 2003 that literally didn't practice at all. and how'd he do that year? oh, he won the mvp.
he's not some pussy with wings on his helmet. he just monkeys around.
i mean, he was so hurt in so many places in 2003 that literally didn't practice at all. and how'd he do that year? oh, he won the mvp.
Bronson
I'll need a badge.
- Nov 10, 2003
- 3,019
- Thread starter
- #48
I'm lookin for tickets to the north carolina game in chapel hill.
stubhub has 8 2nd-row, 40-yd line tix on the behind the usc bench for 199 a piece.
i want to get a group of people and go.
maybe not 8, but hell i'd buy one and go by myself if i had to. god i wanna beat some tar heel ass.
stubhub has 8 2nd-row, 40-yd line tix on the behind the usc bench for 199 a piece.
i want to get a group of people and go.
maybe not 8, but hell i'd buy one and go by myself if i had to. god i wanna beat some tar heel ass.
- Oct 7, 2006
- 3,326
well if that means andrew is going im GONE. concert is one thing, football is another.
but yeah, if he'll buy you a full season of house for god knows how much, you know he'll buy you a ticket.
how much is it for a single ticket? just buy me one whenever you buy yours and ill come over and give you the money.
but yeah, if he'll buy you a full season of house for god knows how much, you know he'll buy you a ticket.
how much is it for a single ticket? just buy me one whenever you buy yours and ill come over and give you the money.
- Nov 10, 2003
- 8,719
Bronson
I'll need a badge.
- Nov 10, 2003
- 3,019
- Thread starter
- #55
someone posted this on gamecock central, and i liked it.
I see a lot of pansies at football games these days. There are many classifications of pansy but three come to mind right away.
Frat Guy – Fraternities themselves I have no problems with. In fact some of my favorite memories come from getting thrown out of fraternity parties. But the guy that shows up to the game wearing khaki shorts, sneakers, dress shirt with a tie is essentially saying to everyone, "Hello I am a complete douche bag, will you please kick me in the pills?" Yes I am happy to oblige and in fact each game I try to make sure at least 3 of these future politicians will never procreate.
The Daddy – You see these tools all the time, carrying their kids around back and forth like a shameless indentured servant. Screw that. For my son's 3rd birthday I bought him a rickshaw and now he lugs me around for the games. None of this carrying your little girl crap. You put her on the ground and tell her if she wants to see the game she needs to keep up on foot or find another daddy. No daughter of mine is going to be a weakling. Survival of the fittest. I've lost my daughter at least twice at football games because she couldn't keep up, but not to worry I found her at DSS both times the Monday after the game.
The opposing teams fans – Of the biggest group of pansies I ever see at games these guys take the cake. At least the first two get somewhat of a pass because they are Gamecock fans. However these people deserve no mercy. Like a few years back when the Gamecocks played UAB of course we whipped their tales because that's what we do to mid-major teams, they stand no chance. I saw this guy berating all of the UAB fans on the way out of the gates telling them to enjoy their trip back to Mississippi or whatever crappy state they're from. I swear this guy became my personal hero for the way he was harassing some old woman. No one cares that your grandson is number 17 for UAB lady. That big goofy button you are wearing with that big oaf's picture on it doesn't impress us. You want to impress us? Let's see you do a keg stand like my grandmother. God I come from a great pedigree.
So this article is really about how to conduct yourself at a football game with class and the proper handling of the preceding aforementioned groups. As far as I'm concerned there are really three things you need in life to carry you through to its finality.
1. Def Leppard's "Hysteria" CD
2. Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Conduct
3. Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Discernment
Let's take a look at each of these:
Def Leppard's Hysteria CD
Once a millennium something of this magnitude occurs. When all the stars align and for one brief moment we get a glimpse of the face of God. The last glimpse occurred on August 3rd, 1987 when God smiled upon humanity and Def Leppard released "Hysteria". Often considered the greatest form of art ever to be experienced by the human senses (*1), you absolutely cannot go through life without this CD on permanent repeat. I dare you to name one thing more awesome than a one-armed drummer. See what I mean? You can't! There has never been anything in the history of mankind that could equal the splendor that is a man who plays the drums with one arm. As far as I'm concerned the great champions of humanity are as follows; Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Rick Allen, George Washington. If a one-armed drummer weren't enough machoism just ponder these lyrics for a moment:
"Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man
Your man
Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss-a-innocent sugar me, yeah
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can't get enough
I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah"
Shakespeare, you have just been owned my friend. Here is your box of Kleenex now take your place on the silver medal podium as the second greatest writer in history. Sorry I got off on a tangent I get a little emotional when discussing Def Leppard.
Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Conduct:
Never take any crap from anyone, ever. I cannot be more clear on this, if you turn the other cheek when someone bumps into you, looks at you funny or asks you for directions to the nearest gas station you probably also eat tofu, cottage cheese and have a vagina.
Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Discernment:
Throughout life when you ask yourself the question: "How should I handle this situation", 99 times out of 100 the correct answer is "violence". Let me show you what I mean.
"How should we deal with kids who earn less than a 'A' on a report card?"
"How should I handle being pulled over for a traffic ticket?"
"How should I handle catching my son playing with dolls again?"
"How should tell my mother in a polite way, I'm going to miss her birthday this year because I'm going to a strip club with the guys instead?"
You see what I mean now. The answer always applies regardless of the situation. When you apply my Golden Rule of Conduct and Discernment the following situations I almost don't need to comment on, the answers are obvious. Nonetheless I want to drive home exercising the Golden Rules so here we go:
Handling situations at a football game:
Situation: An opposing fan is cheering for his team.
Solution: This is unacceptable. There are no exceptions to this rule. When an opposing team fan cheers for his team, it is a direct insult to you and every gamecock fan sitting around you. Apply rule of conduct number one. Now what to do? The answer should be obvious by now.
A few years back the last time Carolina played Ole Miss in Oxford me and a few friends went to the game. This man was cheering for Ole Miss right in my face, clearly trying to anger me. It worked. I didn't say a word; I stood up on my aluminum seat and leapt into the air. I had to jump hard too because he was four rows in front of me. Imagine the look of awe everyone around me had as I flew threw the air like a graceful swan only to deliver a Randy Savage elbow to the guy's skull. Then I stood over him and ripped my shirt off and screamed "OOOOOOH YEAAAAAH". The video of my arrest is on youtube. The thing is, I like old people and I have admiration for World War II vets as much as the next guy but you don't disrespect me like that and get away with it. Hotty Totty that old timer!
Situation: Your son accidentally cheered for Arkansas last year when they scored the game-winning touchdown.
Solution: I'm a reasonable man. It was an honest mistake, Arkansas wears white and red, and the Gamecocks colors are also white and red. But when all the Arkansas fans started snickering at my rage I had to send a clear message. No son of mine is going to come off like some half-witted simp cheering for the wrong team. So I did the only thing I could think of to diffuse the situation, I knocked his tooth out. Now listen, I know you are thinking "how could you do that?" Honestly it wasn't that hard, the kid's tooth was already loose. But as a gesture of goodwill I picked up the tooth and handed to the Arkansas fan beside me, he was short a few anyway.
Situation: Your wife berates you because you won't quit flirting with the three 14 year-old girls sitting in front of you
Solution: Violence doesn't always have to come in the form of physical contact. A more subtle, sophisticated approach is verbal abuse. I calmly explained to my wife that the teenagers wanted the mini bottles, I did not just offer them unsolicited. And asking them for a friends invite on myspace is technically not flirting. She still didn't seem to get it so as with most things, physical violence does have a tendency to bring clarity when more cerebral approaches like reasoning fail. By the way, women are immune to reasoning, don't even try it.
Situation: You want to go to the USC vs. Tennessee game in Knoxville but the Tennessee State Attorney General has banned you from stepping foot in the state.
Solution: Violence will not work in every situation (but you can try anyway). Here is one of those special instances where subterfuge is a better tactic for achieving your goal. Since I have never had a positive experience getting arrested, I don't want to be in violation of a statewide restraining order. Ordinarily this is no big deal as there is no good reason to go to Tennessee, however I'll be darned if I'm going to miss a Gamecock football game. Disguise is your weapon of choice.
Things you will need:
An orange jersey (preferably mesh see-through so that your gut hangs out, if you don't have a gut, get one you will need it to pass off as a Tennessee fan).
Some gimmick redneck teeth.
Tobacco.
A mullet (better start planning ahead for this one, usually a good year is needed to achieve authenticity, wigs will not suffice)
Finally before you enter the stadium you will need a good friend to strike you in the back of the head with a sap or wooden pole. This helps you to lose about 50 IQ points for about 6 hours. Blending in with the natives is essential; do not try to fake it. After the strike the back of the head you may drool for the next several hours. This is ok, you cover will not be blown.
Well that about wraps up another edition. Next week is for you single men out there, how to treat a date with respect when bringing her to a Carolina football game.
I see a lot of pansies at football games these days. There are many classifications of pansy but three come to mind right away.
Frat Guy – Fraternities themselves I have no problems with. In fact some of my favorite memories come from getting thrown out of fraternity parties. But the guy that shows up to the game wearing khaki shorts, sneakers, dress shirt with a tie is essentially saying to everyone, "Hello I am a complete douche bag, will you please kick me in the pills?" Yes I am happy to oblige and in fact each game I try to make sure at least 3 of these future politicians will never procreate.
The Daddy – You see these tools all the time, carrying their kids around back and forth like a shameless indentured servant. Screw that. For my son's 3rd birthday I bought him a rickshaw and now he lugs me around for the games. None of this carrying your little girl crap. You put her on the ground and tell her if she wants to see the game she needs to keep up on foot or find another daddy. No daughter of mine is going to be a weakling. Survival of the fittest. I've lost my daughter at least twice at football games because she couldn't keep up, but not to worry I found her at DSS both times the Monday after the game.
The opposing teams fans – Of the biggest group of pansies I ever see at games these guys take the cake. At least the first two get somewhat of a pass because they are Gamecock fans. However these people deserve no mercy. Like a few years back when the Gamecocks played UAB of course we whipped their tales because that's what we do to mid-major teams, they stand no chance. I saw this guy berating all of the UAB fans on the way out of the gates telling them to enjoy their trip back to Mississippi or whatever crappy state they're from. I swear this guy became my personal hero for the way he was harassing some old woman. No one cares that your grandson is number 17 for UAB lady. That big goofy button you are wearing with that big oaf's picture on it doesn't impress us. You want to impress us? Let's see you do a keg stand like my grandmother. God I come from a great pedigree.
So this article is really about how to conduct yourself at a football game with class and the proper handling of the preceding aforementioned groups. As far as I'm concerned there are really three things you need in life to carry you through to its finality.
1. Def Leppard's "Hysteria" CD
2. Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Conduct
3. Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Discernment
Let's take a look at each of these:
Def Leppard's Hysteria CD
Once a millennium something of this magnitude occurs. When all the stars align and for one brief moment we get a glimpse of the face of God. The last glimpse occurred on August 3rd, 1987 when God smiled upon humanity and Def Leppard released "Hysteria". Often considered the greatest form of art ever to be experienced by the human senses (*1), you absolutely cannot go through life without this CD on permanent repeat. I dare you to name one thing more awesome than a one-armed drummer. See what I mean? You can't! There has never been anything in the history of mankind that could equal the splendor that is a man who plays the drums with one arm. As far as I'm concerned the great champions of humanity are as follows; Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Rick Allen, George Washington. If a one-armed drummer weren't enough machoism just ponder these lyrics for a moment:
"Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man
Your man
Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss-a-innocent sugar me, yeah
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can't get enough
I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah"
Shakespeare, you have just been owned my friend. Here is your box of Kleenex now take your place on the silver medal podium as the second greatest writer in history. Sorry I got off on a tangent I get a little emotional when discussing Def Leppard.
Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Conduct:
Never take any crap from anyone, ever. I cannot be more clear on this, if you turn the other cheek when someone bumps into you, looks at you funny or asks you for directions to the nearest gas station you probably also eat tofu, cottage cheese and have a vagina.
Crashfreze's Golden Rule of Discernment:
Throughout life when you ask yourself the question: "How should I handle this situation", 99 times out of 100 the correct answer is "violence". Let me show you what I mean.
"How should we deal with kids who earn less than a 'A' on a report card?"
"How should I handle being pulled over for a traffic ticket?"
"How should I handle catching my son playing with dolls again?"
"How should tell my mother in a polite way, I'm going to miss her birthday this year because I'm going to a strip club with the guys instead?"
You see what I mean now. The answer always applies regardless of the situation. When you apply my Golden Rule of Conduct and Discernment the following situations I almost don't need to comment on, the answers are obvious. Nonetheless I want to drive home exercising the Golden Rules so here we go:
Handling situations at a football game:
Situation: An opposing fan is cheering for his team.
Solution: This is unacceptable. There are no exceptions to this rule. When an opposing team fan cheers for his team, it is a direct insult to you and every gamecock fan sitting around you. Apply rule of conduct number one. Now what to do? The answer should be obvious by now.
A few years back the last time Carolina played Ole Miss in Oxford me and a few friends went to the game. This man was cheering for Ole Miss right in my face, clearly trying to anger me. It worked. I didn't say a word; I stood up on my aluminum seat and leapt into the air. I had to jump hard too because he was four rows in front of me. Imagine the look of awe everyone around me had as I flew threw the air like a graceful swan only to deliver a Randy Savage elbow to the guy's skull. Then I stood over him and ripped my shirt off and screamed "OOOOOOH YEAAAAAH". The video of my arrest is on youtube. The thing is, I like old people and I have admiration for World War II vets as much as the next guy but you don't disrespect me like that and get away with it. Hotty Totty that old timer!
Situation: Your son accidentally cheered for Arkansas last year when they scored the game-winning touchdown.
Solution: I'm a reasonable man. It was an honest mistake, Arkansas wears white and red, and the Gamecocks colors are also white and red. But when all the Arkansas fans started snickering at my rage I had to send a clear message. No son of mine is going to come off like some half-witted simp cheering for the wrong team. So I did the only thing I could think of to diffuse the situation, I knocked his tooth out. Now listen, I know you are thinking "how could you do that?" Honestly it wasn't that hard, the kid's tooth was already loose. But as a gesture of goodwill I picked up the tooth and handed to the Arkansas fan beside me, he was short a few anyway.
Situation: Your wife berates you because you won't quit flirting with the three 14 year-old girls sitting in front of you
Solution: Violence doesn't always have to come in the form of physical contact. A more subtle, sophisticated approach is verbal abuse. I calmly explained to my wife that the teenagers wanted the mini bottles, I did not just offer them unsolicited. And asking them for a friends invite on myspace is technically not flirting. She still didn't seem to get it so as with most things, physical violence does have a tendency to bring clarity when more cerebral approaches like reasoning fail. By the way, women are immune to reasoning, don't even try it.
Situation: You want to go to the USC vs. Tennessee game in Knoxville but the Tennessee State Attorney General has banned you from stepping foot in the state.
Solution: Violence will not work in every situation (but you can try anyway). Here is one of those special instances where subterfuge is a better tactic for achieving your goal. Since I have never had a positive experience getting arrested, I don't want to be in violation of a statewide restraining order. Ordinarily this is no big deal as there is no good reason to go to Tennessee, however I'll be darned if I'm going to miss a Gamecock football game. Disguise is your weapon of choice.
Things you will need:
An orange jersey (preferably mesh see-through so that your gut hangs out, if you don't have a gut, get one you will need it to pass off as a Tennessee fan).
Some gimmick redneck teeth.
Tobacco.
A mullet (better start planning ahead for this one, usually a good year is needed to achieve authenticity, wigs will not suffice)
Finally before you enter the stadium you will need a good friend to strike you in the back of the head with a sap or wooden pole. This helps you to lose about 50 IQ points for about 6 hours. Blending in with the natives is essential; do not try to fake it. After the strike the back of the head you may drool for the next several hours. This is ok, you cover will not be blown.
Well that about wraps up another edition. Next week is for you single men out there, how to treat a date with respect when bringing her to a Carolina football game.
Bronson
I'll need a badge.
- Nov 10, 2003
- 3,019
- Thread starter
- #60
so my fantasy draft was tonight. we all got together and did it live. so i had a few drinks and got the season goin. i think i did ok.
QB-Jay Cutler
QB-Chad Pennington
QB-Damon Huard
RB-Willie Parker
RB-Clinton Portis
RB-Warrick Dunn
RB-Vernand Morency
WR-Javon Walker
WR-Andre Johnson
WR-Mark Clayton
WR-Devery Henderson
TE-Todd Heap
TE-Marcedes Lewis
K-Neil Rackers
K-Rob Bironas
DEF-Jacksonville
DEF-Oakland
meh.
QB-Jay Cutler
QB-Chad Pennington
QB-Damon Huard
RB-Willie Parker
RB-Clinton Portis
RB-Warrick Dunn
RB-Vernand Morency
WR-Javon Walker
WR-Andre Johnson
WR-Mark Clayton
WR-Devery Henderson
TE-Todd Heap
TE-Marcedes Lewis
K-Neil Rackers
K-Rob Bironas
DEF-Jacksonville
DEF-Oakland
meh.