International Castration Day!

[Casey]

So I tried to make sausage gravy the other day for the very first time.

I panicked and it became bacon paste.

 

[Dave]

So I tried to make sausage gravy the other day for the very first time.

I panicked and it became bacon paste.

 

[Barbs]

How does sausage gravy become bacon paste?

I can't ruin gravy. I've never once ruined gravy.

 

[Casey]

Mother said the trick is to use bacon grease in the base. I added too much flour and instead of just adding more grease, I panicked and added the milk.

Write down your recipe for me. I just found one online and tried to wing it.

 

[SuperAfroBoy]

Having trouble getting your kids to brush their teeth twice a day? Get them to try Bacon Paste, and you'll have to fist fight them to get your turn at the bathroom sink!

 

[Barbs]

If you're making it from drippings when you've just cooked bacon (the ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT IS WITH BACON, SCREW SAUSAGE) drain off the grease, leave the rest of the crusty stuff in the pan, then return two tablespoons of the grease back in. Add three tablespoons of Wondra flour and cook that at medium for like, fuck, five minutes? Never stop stirring! EVER.

Next, SLOWLY add two cups of milk that have been sitting out to as close to room temp as possible. Once the milk is all in, add tons and tons of pepper and as much salt as seems reasonable. You can always add more later when you eat it. Keep stirring, until you want to die, as it thickens. Basically, you want to be able to run your spoon against the bottom of the pan and have it leave a clean trail for a bit - and it'll thicken up a little bit more after you're done.

Then you eat as much as you can stuff down your gullet and don't share with anyone you're not trying to get to marry you. Because fuck everyone else. Oh wait, you could also share it with someone you just want to fuck you.

 

[SuperAfroBoy]

You should write a cookbook.

 

[Barbs]

It would be a very obnoxious cookbook.

I'm really not much of a cook beyond breakfast foods and anything I can make in a frying pan or cast-iron skillet (which includes STEAK!). But I'm fairly useless beyond that.

 

[Dave]

Anyone who cooks a steak on anything besides a grill should be thrown in a maximum-security prison for life.

This isn't 'Nam, there are rules.

 

[Barbs]

Anyone who cooks a steak on anything besides a grill should be thrown in a maximum-security prison for life.

This isn't 'Nam, there are rules.

You haven't had my steak, pookie.


Further ... how many times have YOU grilled a perfect medium rare sirloin? Hmm...?

 

[Logan]

WE ALL KNOW IM THE GRILL MASTER ROUND HERE

 

[Barbs]

WE ALL KNOW IM THE GRILL MASTER ROUND HERE

*kneels*

Also, Logan says my steaks look good. SO THERE.

 

[Casey]

I think I excel at breakfast.

 

[Barbs]

I think I excel at breakfast.

Yeah, you can definitely make a manly pile of good breakfast foods.

Now. Tell Dave about what I can do with a skillet and steak, so he can shut his hoagie hole.

 

[Dave]

Yes, do tell.

But I fucking love hoagies.

 

[Barbs]

Okay, you get a few points for not asking me what a fucking hoagie is.

 

[Casey]

One thing I am terrible at, that apparently Melissa is thebomb.com at, is pancakes.

 

[SuperAfroBoy]

Mel makes fantastic pancakes, especially when we have bacon too because she uses the bacon grease.

Everything is better with bacon grease.

 

[Casey]

Hmm, perhaps I should try that...

 

[Dave]

You should. Be careful though. Bacon can be a hate crime.

Police Investigating Hate Crime After Bacon Found At S.I. Ramadan Site CBS New York